For a long time I listened to R talk and cry. Love found. Love lost. Joy that came excitedly one day and went away without a sound. I love her but it's not easy to understand another's disappointment. You know what i mean?? For a really long time, I guess I have not felt pain and defeat. Yeah. And you know what? Without pain and defeat, one really grows complacent.
Wow. So God you really have a way, don't you? To humble that proud heart of mine. To shame that arrogant mind of mine.
You turned Paul from a church persecutor to an apostle.
And now, you turned that scumbag into a loving christian?
Feels really too weird and almost angry not having a reason to dislike such a person. Ok I think I'm jealous. Is that okay with you God? Is that ok?
Cos i'm just a bowl-full mixed with disdain, pain, jealousy and I dunno what.
Geez. Gaaaah.
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