Strangely, though it's such a busy week.... I feel strangely satisfied. It feels somewhat good. Perhaps doing something is always more fruitful than stoning in my room, or going shopping. Or thinking of somebody undeserving.
I guess my equilibrium is back.
And the world is somewhat back in balance. For now.
I'm happy, even if for a day. I thank God for giving me the strength and wisdom to get through all I've been through lately - piano exam, M, visa, preparation, fear of the future. Every day, I still struggle to place my trust in Him. You might ask "Why? If God has helped you before, you know He will again, then why is it so hard to trust God?" It's an age old question I am unable to answer fully. But the root of it is probably my pride. And my false security in believing that I can rely solely on my human strength and intelligence to solve all things. Now, don't get me wrong. God DOES equip us with abilities to do most of the things we are doing. But I believe what he really wants us to remember that while we can take care of ourselves, we should never become complacent and think that we do not need Him anymore. And to commit matters which stumble or boggle us to Him if no answer is to be found at the moment, especially if those matters mean a lot to us. How crucial it is to remember that God is the one who has given us our individual unique abilities, minds and personalities! And surely if He has chosen to give, surely He can take them away as well. But I'm not a child who's fearing that my Father will take away anything and everything I love. But He who has infinite wisdom know what is good and bad for His children. So it's back to the big big word - TRUST.
I pray that I will continue to stay close to Him.
Always, every day. Every min. Every hour.
Thank you God. You are awesome.
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