So many thoughts

So many thoughts. So little words. Overwhelming feelings at times. Indifference to it all occasionally. I have had a good rest this weekend. Taught a lot less piano, chilled out in my room, played WoW, went to Borders for a read and of course, had ample precious sleep.

Decided to free up my next saturday as well .. for a little plan I have. But its gonna be just me and me alone. When I first thought of that, I rejoiced to myself "what a brillant plan to getaway and chill by myself", but after five minutes, it suddenly dawned upon me that I might feel lonely during the course. Usually I don't, but perhaps all that self-soulsearching might draw me to old memories.

Now that I think about it, its been almost two years since yang and I broke up. Time has indeed raced by and look, we've come so far. I mean, I don't know how he is now anymore but I know surely God is blessing him like how He always did. Just like how I was chatting with Lion on msn the other day.. all that has happened has been for the better. No doubt it has hurt so bad, but indirectly it has brought him to Christ and also taught me a lesson on how to be independent and truly love myself and someone else.

I often question myself if I do miss him. Thinking of us in the past still makes me emotional, even after such a long time. Thinking of how it all ended sometimes leaves me with regret and pain. But the fact I write all these down surely must mean I have progressed to another level. I'm not sure if I can ever find someone whom I can be so comfortable and generous with, but would it matter so much? Things have happened for reasons we know and don't know. God has a plan and sometimes you just have to be patient and await the unveil of it all.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow? For the time being, what I really crave for is peace. What do you mean by peace? To me, its a kind of contentment, a kind of outlook on people and things with love and gentleness, not being too calculative and facing each day with the strength and optimisim that one is being blessed with.

And also, listening. Listening to God. He knows each of us so well, sometimes its scary.. haha. He understands our desires, our troubles, our happiness. Life isn't a breeze, you know that too. There are decisions to make all the time it drives me up the wall. In fact, I wish God would appear before me and tell me what to do! But He guides. For He speaks everyday through all that he has created. Can you hear him?