So much has happened since Easter break. I had an absolutely smashing time with hui, bell and enyu in Amsterdam, Stuttgart, Bern, Zurich, Budapest, Vienna... As much as I loved travelling alone, it is fun to travel with people too. But yes, I still crave to travel alone. Maybe I'm just the sort who needs solitude. Not all the time, but I do need it time to time. Some space to think, imagine, reflect, things like that. Speaking of the Easter break, I do need to (1) settle the bills and (2) sort the pictures.
Life has been a mad whizz after Easter. There was the Recital Prize competition, SKS recital, Chamber Music Recital assessment, Oncken Prize competition, Chamber Choir rehearsals, etc. I never imagined life in school could be that intensive until late April/early May. But in a way, I liked it. Busy means doing, and less time for thinking or dwelling on things. Strangely, I have survived this insane period and emerged from it with tons of lessons. Or I like to think it as - wisdom.
The Recital Prize competition has taught me a few things :
(1) Be prepared.
(2) Be calm.
(3) Be confident.
(4) Be focused.
(5) Be a musician. (most important)
My rubbish playing in the semi-finals really hurt me deep, and I believe its God's way of humbling me and teaching me a good lesson on all these things.
Oh how I love playing the piano. The music, the sounds, the colours.... swirling in my mind, forming different shapes, inventing emotions indescribable by words. The genius of the composers before us, oh how they inspire and amaze me. Oh music! So pure, so charming, so simple, so serene, so painful, so quiet, so furious, so seductive! I can hardly contain you in my heart or my mind.
Over the maddening two months, I have also fallen in love with a wonderful man. He's kind, funny, God-fearing, intelligent, considerate to his family and friends, musical, and loving. Oh I do admire and respect him! And no, he's not without his faults, but who is? But I decided to be aware and accepting of who he is, that encompasses his strengths and weaknesses, and to delight and continue to cultivate and encourage him in his good virtues. And I believe he's doing the same for me too.
It all feels quite right this time, and rather serious. And I must admit, I'm secretly pleased about it, yet, at the same time, slightly afraid too.
The boyfriend will be away a lot from July onwards. There's the long summer break where we will be apart for a long while, and then afterwards for the next academic year, he will be residing in a different city from me. Its not the ideal arrangement, but we can make the best out of it together. I don't know how it'll be when I finish college, but I'm confident we will figure something out together then.
Ah so much to say. All these jumbled thoughts running around haphazardly inside my brain.
That's all I will say now.
To end, something from the bible I read today :
The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey rom the comb.
By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 19:7-11
Lord, may you search my heart and keep me close to you. May You guide my thoughts, words and actions every day to be strong, loving, gentle and joyful. May You remind me to keep You and to seek You first before all other things.
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