Halfway through Monday

Gosh, I have bits and pieces on my mind.

First, boss is out of town. The guys are on a rebellion with Halo, throwing stress-balls around..etc. We wanted to install World of Warcraft, but damn, stupid Dell computers!! Useless.

AC went on holiday earlier on this morning. Office became a serious sauna!! And it had to be a clear day with the sun smiling into our room. Damn it. I told the Regus office reception and she just shoved my complaint away.. until Daryl and Calv went to complain again. Sexist or what? Damn. We don't pay 14K per month for nothing, right.

Upbeat. We're having some issues with poster and flyer. In the process of rolling everyone's ideas, comments and suggestions into the real thing.. its tedious, but necessary. I have to liase with JM again, hopefully he can agree to continue helping me to resolve it.. they decided on design 2 and design 3 (flyer and poster respectively) but still got a lot of changes. I have to be the person to handle the ASP for Sistic, programme booklet design, etc, etc. Thank God work is quite light this week (hopefully...). I pray the systems will ALL stay up.

This whole bullshit about depression is just... depressing. Sometimes i think the word depression is highly misused and misunderstood. Don't you think so? I think the more correct term for our often state of emotion should be "confusion". It's not easy to decide what we want to do with our lives, esp if we don't have a routine to guide us. And sometimes its just about what we wish we desire versus what we are expected, and of course also whether we are bothered about what we want.. or we could be ambitious, but yet still apathetic or afraid. Sigh, dunno what i'm talking about already.

Everyone goes through those periods, in our teens, in our 20s, 30s... don't think its ever gonna go away. Life is just full of unanswered questions, which we know, cannot be explained or accounted totally, yet it's impossible to ignore them. What a bitch, right? I guess i'm like 95% good the time, and the cold 5% still grips me by my ankle now and then when I'm walking alone on the street, when I'm showering or when I'm lying down on the bed trying hard to fall asleep. I learn to not let it affect me. It used to kill me... all those serious mood swings and tempers. Really bad. It killed my boyfriend. Lesson learnt, man. Painful. I'm glad I have a second chance in life to be better again. To cope with my curiosity, my ignorance, my ambitions, my humility. I try to let go.. all those insecurity, all those questions.... and just smell the wind for that moment.

Life will find its way, whether we want it or not.

I guess.