Labour day insecurities

01 May - Labour Day.

All my friends were probably sleeping in late and going out in the day. I'm such a soursop right? What did you do today?

I went to work at 6am, didn't do much in the office cos there really isn't much going on when HK, Singapore are on holiday. Quiet market. Rather. Then I cabbed home, played some WoW. In the evening, I took a short nap and woke up at 7.45pm feeling really hungry. Julian offered to drive over from his place (Thomson!) to pick me up and go to bukit timah hawker centre to have dinner. Which is kinda weird since I can actually walk 5 mins across the road to get there.. but he kinda insisted so I agreed cos I'm damn hungry. I had porridge. Lame fact. And he didn't eat but just sat there and chat. Then he drove me back (still think its very silly!).

It's gonna be Lynn's birthday in 30mins. Lynn is my housemate. She's going through kinda a breakup but already got another man in hand (he's in her room right now).. I'm quite confused. But yeah she's upset cos her boyfriend (or soon to be ex-boyfriend) is flirting with somebody else on the forum. Sorry, but I think such men are so easy to drop.. they are worth nothing once they do such shit, why feel upset about them? And please tell me how you can feel sad when there is already another guy in your room? Ok but I guess it isn't easy. Sigh.

Maybe I totally lost touch with dating. I think so. Cos even having dinner with Julian just didn't feel right.. I enjoyed the conversation and everything and he's a nice guy but I think I have forgotten how to meet new people and connect with them. Or perhaps my defences have done up so high I am just unwilling to be vulnerable to anyone anymore. Loads of reasoning but as usual, no conclusion.

I "swear" that I treated this evening's dinner just like meeting a friend for a quick meal nearby, I didn't bother to look good or appear nice and gentle (you know those bullshit). Was in my frumpy t-shirt, shorts and slippers and hair all tied up messily. It was relaxing. But I guess I am just being greedy, wishing it was someone else who was on my frequency.. damn where is he?!

Me and my insecurities on Labour day.