Piano, do u hear me?

Sorry I had to write again.
Panic I guess.

I want to talk about these two pianists who have so impressed and inspired me.
1) Emmanuel Ax
2) Boris Berezovsky

I watched Emmanuel last year (in July, I believe) and it kind of changed my life. The music... the music that comes out of his hands literally made me realised how much I loved music. I totally changed the way I played from that day.. I played with a different sense, it's hard to describe. But he really swept me away.. I remember raving about it to JM while walking at Marina. This mainly is a catalyst for me to start working on my piano once again.

I watched Boris Berezovsky just a few weeks back. Maybe 3 weeks ago. He... is like divine. Absolute control of the piano. Rach 3 didn't sound technically challenging to him. I am so jealous. I hate him and I love him. Every single note he plays is with such purpose... careful planning, just the right amount of strength, the pre-defined touch. It sings. It cries. It roars. It touches my heart.

I want to be like him. Why am I so careless with my notes sometimes? Why does my concentration phases out at times..? I hear the correct rendition of the music inside my freaking head. I DO. And all I want to do is for my heart to connect with the music, for my hands to execute the notes exactly the way I want to.

I want to play my music with ease.