Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I kill myself sometimes

Many a times, I sabotage myself.

I gym but I snack
I love teaching but I hate teaching
I know I have what it takes but I don't apply to music school
I don't like working but I still do it
I meet someone great and I screw it up
I hear horrible music and I tell people it wasn't too bad
I can play much better but I refuse to show it
I hear the perfect music in my head but I act like I don't know it

Like wtf is wrong with me? I don't know. In fact, sometimes I delight in sabotaging myself. It's evil. I like pressing on my bruises. Do you? I kinda like the pain. I'm not crazy. Maybe being normal makes me feel better. What fun can there be if people knew what was in my mind? How lonely I would be if I allow my obsession of music fill up my days? How would it help if people cannot hear what's inside my mind?

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