Pls don't put deadlines on me

Last night I almost quarrelled with R. Almost, that is. Because I sense she lost her patience on me, and my anger had crossed the line. I was angry because I felt like she was de-valuing my sorrow and accusing me of having feelings for him. In a way, I kinda snapped for a moment. How could she not understand me? Wasn't it bad enough that somebody I actually care about is dead? And to add onto that, someone whom I no longer love but still care about is cutting me off from his life? Do I really need ANOTHER lecture on how to feel and what to do?

I am so sad.

Why are there deadlines and expiry dates on people and relationships? When you care about someone, you always will. Nothing will change that. Because one fine day when the sun is shining and the roses were blooming, you decided to open that door.. and they walked right into your heart. They left footprints, they moved the furniture, they filled the room with laughter that echoes on forever. Why are you put a deadline for me to scrub clean that very room? I'm ok with the furniture mess. I'm ok with the muddy footprints. Can't you see that? It's a decision I make, to keep what matters to me, and to let go what must be gone.

And.. a good man, a good father is dead. And you tell me I have no reasons to be sad? I'm telling you.. his father also stepped into my heart once, and he left flowers inside the room. I feel a genuine connection to him, and I cannot let anyone devalue that because I know it's real.

As for why he is cutting me off ... I'll let him be. For that is his decision, and though I feel rather slighted and even hurt by it, I am reminded that it takes two hands to clap. Yes I am sad. But please don't get me wrong. He's one person I don't have a friendship expiry tag on. Because I know I care and there's nothing wrong about that. Until then, I pray for him still. And leave God to take care of everything else.