I am brokebacked

Dearest JM.
I have read your latest posts through at least three times. Yet, I still feel sad. Blardy hail, I don't know why. And when I do feel this dull pain in my heart, I attempt to think logically... to pace out my thoughts. Things run through my mind.. things such as:

1. Ok you didn't choose to be homosexual
2. It's possible for homosexuals to seek and eventually lead a normal healthy lifestyle
3. It's possible to achieve happpiness as a homosexual
4. They are no less normal than you and I.

Yet, at the back of my little brain.. I feel that:

1. Guys having sex is immoral.
(yes. www.dictionary.com --> Immoral = Contrary to established moral principles.)

I ask myself very often. Am I truly wholeheartedly accepting my gay friends for who they are if I feel that such unnatural relations and acts are against my personal and religious beliefs? Am I just kidding myself? How can I explain why I do feel for these people? Why do I care so much for these people? Why does it bother me if you are gay or not? Why the hell do I feel sad? What's there to be sad about when I see my gay friends having stable relationships and having as great a time as other couples?

Seriously. Just how can I balance and compromise the invisible conflicts of friendship and beliefs within myself? How can I love you without judging you a single bit when I know I deem something as wrong?

Will you love/hate/blame/forgive me if I said that I really love you like before since we were friends in our teens though I secretly often hope that you are not actually gay or will turn straight one day but I comprehend your identity and I know I should not be changing you in anyway but I will never stop praying or hoping for the very best for you in all things regardless if you are gay or not?